Four Common Wedding Attendant Roles (and their responsibilities)

Some people are natural-born athletes, others naturally gifted speakers, and still others are born with that innate gift to understand people and accept responsibilities. And then there are the people you have to push.

Same goes with your wedding attendants.

Some of the people you have asked into your wedding posse will automatically understand their role and know what they are supposed to do-and when they are supposed to do it. But others might need a little help.


Here are four of the most common wedding attendant roles and the responsibilities they have been waiting for you to pass on to them.

Maid /Matron of Honor
Pre and Post-Wedding
- assist bride in selecting her gown (either by helping her in person or by helping her track down her dress online)
- help bride select attire for herself and other bridesmaids
- assist bride with addressing invitations and organizing favors (this is especially fun if the bride can plan a girls night to finish wedding-related tasks)
- host bridal shower, with help from bridesmaids
- host bachelorette party, with assistance from other bridesmaids
- communicate with bridesmaids regarding dress shopping, fittings and gown delivery dates (for brides and attendants with iPhones, check out the new American Greetings iPhone app that lets you send personalized card photos directly to any email address)
- ensure bridesmaids have shoes and other accessories
- attend the rehearsal (and the dinner!)
- pay for her own wedding attire and accessories
- pay for her travel and lodging expenses

Wedding day
- assist the bride when she gets dressed
- accompany the bride to the ceremony
- carry the bride’s train as she walks to the ceremony room
- straighten the bride's veil and train before she walks down the aisle (and make sure her lipstick and mascara are all in place!)
- adjust the bride’s train after she stops at the front of the alter
- hold the bride's bouquet and the groom’s ring during ceremony
- make a toast to the bride and groom
- assist the bride with bustling her train before the reception
- accompany the bride to restroom during reception (and hold on to napkins, lipstick and breath mints that she might need throughout the night)
- gather mementos for the bride, such as program, favors, toasting glasses, etc.

Best Man
Pre and Post-Wedding
- assist the groom with tux / suit selection and notify groomsmen and ushers
- plan the bachelor party, with assistance from groomsmen and ushers
- attend rehearsal (if he is from the same town, he can offer to help transport out of town wedding attendants)
- collect tux rentals from out of town groomsmen and return them (so the bride and groom don’t have to worry about this on the first day of their honeymoon)
- pay for his wedding suit and accessories
- pay for his travel and lodging expenses

Wedding day
- assist groom with preparing transportation
- assist groom with getting ready for the wedding
- drive the groom to the ceremony
- hold the bride's ring during the wedding ceremony
- deliver the marriage license and payment to the officiant
- make first toast to the bride and groom (remember to keep it short and sweet-and clean!)
- transfer bride and groom's luggage to car or hotel room
- make sure car is ready for bride and groom to leave reception

Bridesmaids
- assist bride and maid of honor with dress selection (if the bride is unsure of what she wants, bridesmaids can help her brainstorm ideas and look up dress suggestions online)
- offer to help bride with addressing invitations or any DIY projects
- assist the maid of honor with hosting the shower and bachelorette party
- attend the rehearsal
- arrive at the ceremony site on time
- pay for their wedding attire and accessories, including hair and make-up
- pay for any travel and lodging expenses

Groomsmen / Ushers
- assist the best man in hosting the bachelor party
- attend the rehearsal
- arrive at the ceremony location on time
- pay for his wedding attire and accessories
- pay for his travel and lodging expenses

Did I leave anything out? What other duties do you think are important for wedding attendants?

Photo courtesy of pixieclipx

Four Big Ideas for Your Smallest Attendants

To have or not to have them … that is the question when it comes to whether or not you and your groom will include children in your wedding. Oh no, I’m not talking about the Big Debate on whether to invite them or not. I’m talking about whether you’ll ask those petite princesses to scatter your aisle with fluttering flowers or whether your sooo-cute-you-could-eat-him-up nephew should really be trusted with two golden bands.

For some women it is an easy call. They’ve always dreamed of being a blushing bride surrounded by miniature princesses … for others, it is not so easy.


Here are a few things to consider if you thinking of including children in your ceremony.

- “No kids-no way.” That’s what I said when I tied the knot in 2007. I’ve been to hundreds of weddings and I know there is nothing like a blue-eyed, blond-haired flower girl toddling down the aisle before the bride to steal her thunder. It was my wedding and I wanted the attention. There I said it!

- It is also important to note that no matter how well-mannered a child may be, standing at the altar for any length of time is a challenge.

If you’d like to include children in your wedding but aren’t sure how, here are four ideas that might help.

1. I worked a wedding once that epitomized innocence and romance. The bride had six or seven similarly-sized tots dressed in fluffy white dresses, with their hair professionally pulled up with matching red headbands. The magazine-quality photos were flawless and those babes helped set a youthful tone to her extravagant wedding. It was perfection. But what really made this wedding unique-was the quantity and likeness of the girls … fewer children or any variance in their size or age, would have had less impact.

2. Although I said “no kids-no way,” I actually reneged a bit. I adore my then seven-year-old nephew and couldn’t imagine leaving him out of our Big Day, but seven is a tad old to be a ring bearer. Instead, I let him stand with the groomsmen and-along with my grandfather-deliver the Catholic gifts to the priest. He felt important and since the priest allowed the wedding attendants to sit during the Mass, he held up throughout the ceremony.

3. If you have children you’d like to honor with a place in your wedding but aren’t sure they fit within the traditional age limits, then ask them to be your wedding helpers. Depending on their ages, they can help you plan the children’s tables, entertainment or even the children's menu. Older children can help you with DIY items and younger children can "play" with you at a pre-wedding "just for the kids" party.

4. If that’s not enough and you’d like them publicly recognized on your Big Day, then invent a place for them. If you have female tweens you’d like to include, add them to your wedding party and dress them in a slightly different style or color than your adult bridesmaids. Or you can honor children by having them formally walk down the aisle with their parents or a groomsmen, much like you do with your grandparents and parents. Be creative and have fun.

Do you plan to include children in your wedding party? What role will they play?

Photo courtesy of JPhilipson

Personalized Thank You Gifts Your Attendants Will Thank You For

I think it is safe to say I am a big proponent of pampering your attendants. From Day One when you pop the question and throughout the weeks and months leading up to the Big Day, you should show your bridesmaids and ushers how grateful you are for their services.

I know money is tight and you can't treat your attendants to free lunches or dinners or possibly even drinks when they are helping you plan your wedding. They know that and they don't expect you to foot the bill each time they are with you. However, sending them cards-even ecards-is a great way to boost their motivation and let them know you appreciate them. The last thing you want is an attendant who feels overworked and under-appreciated helping you at your wedding.

Most brides know they should give their attendants a thank you gift following the wedding. Some brides choose a one-size fits-all approach and buy like-minded gifts for each person. Other brides select individual gifts based on each attendant's personality.

I don't think one way is better than the other in regards to how to buy gifts but one thing is certain ... show your attendants your appreciation and do it with a thoughtful gift that will reflect your friendship.

You've probably heard successful business people say that everyone loves to hear his or her name aloud. That is why professional salespeople often repeat your name several times throughout a conversation ... research shows it works.

Well it also works with your friends. And what better way to say thank you for all of their hard work and dedication than with a personalized thank you gift?

The selection of personalized photo gifts available at Photoworks.com ensures even the most discerning bride can find something for everyone on her list. From mugs to canvas prints to woven throws your wedding attendants are sure to love whichever gift you choose.

Here are four of my favorite personalized photo gifts for under $30 each that I would have loved to receive when I was a bridesmaid.

* Personalized Photo Journal, from $14.95

Find a flattering picture of you and your attendant goofing off, hanging out or participating in a shared-interest activity (like playing tennis or drinking coffee) and splash it across the cover of their personalized journal. You can also create a jpeg version of a thank you note to include in the bottom section.

* Photo Coasters, from $24.95

For this gift idea, consider waiting until after the wedding and choosing a photo of the two of you together in your Wedding Day attire. They will be a fun conversation piece and a sentimental reminder of your special day.

* Photo Keepsake Box, from $29.95

Depending on how long you and your attendant have been friends, you might want to find an old picture of the two of you when you were younger. Pull out those old high school photos or ask his or her parents or spouse for other interesting photo ideas.

* Photo Wine Box, from $29.95

You can choose up to the three photos for the wine box gift and I suggest finding three different photos that reflect your friendship with your attendant. If possible, consider giving this gift at a later date and including a photo of the two of you at your wedding. This is a perfect gift for both the men and women in your wedding party.

What are some of the best gifts you have ever receieved for being in a wedding? Why did that gift mean so much to you?

Three Steps to Choosing Your Wedding Attendants

Come on, you know you’ve thought of it. You’ve been scribbling names on your bridesmaids list since you were 10 and marking people off that list since you were 11. I’m right, aren’t I?

Well, in case you have lost that list somewhere along the way, here are some tips to help you choose your attendants.

But before we get to that, we need to talk numbers.

You should already have an idea of the number of wedding attendants you want in your wedding. But remember the “numbers” do not have to match up. It is ok if you have six gals and he only has five men. There are plenty of creative walking and photography options. Do not let this strict idea of having a matching number of men and women keep you from including all of your closest friends and family members. And now ... here are

Three Ways to Help You Choose Wedding Attendants

1. Envision your Wedding Day

Bridesmaids play an important role in your wedding. They are called on to help with planning, stuff invitations and help you choose a dress. They are responsible for hosting a bridal shower and a girls night party.

You will spend a great deal of time with these girls, so you need to like them enough to want to be around them. They should bring out the positives in you and calm you when you are nervous.

I knew I wanted to spend the day of my wedding surrounded by my favorite people. I wanted to be with people who have a calming effect on me. I wanted people who relax me and who can make me laugh. But most of all, I wanted people who get along well with other people.

2. Make a List (yes, that is my answer for everything … just stay with me)

Write a list of everyone who you would like to be in your wedding. Then, write a list of everyone who should be in your wedding. This includes demanding cousins, your fiance's brother’s girlfriend and possibly married friends who asked you to be in their wedding.

3. Cross ‘em and Select ‘em

Put a star beside everyone you want in your wedding. Think about why you want that person to stand with you on your wedding day. Ask yourself

- How long have you known this person?
- How have they demonstrated their friendship and loyalty?
- Will you have to tell your children who this person is when they look at your wedding pictures in 20 years or will this person still be in your life?

Now look at the people who you think should be in your wedding and ask yourself why.

- Were you in her wedding and you feel you owe it to her?
- Did she or someone close to you ask if she could be in your wedding?

You don’t owe anyone a place in your wedding party. It is your wedding and you should have the people you want standing with you on your day.

However, consider the consequences of not asking someone. For example, even if you don’t know your fiance’s first cousin well, he may be really close to her. It is his wedding day, too and a good marriage should start with compromise. Is it worth it if hurt feelings never heal?

Choosing your wedding attendants is a tough job. When I got married, I had a relative who tried to insist that two or three of my cousins should be in my wedding. I had relatives call me and tell me they’d be “really pissed if I didn’t ask.” Even my mother tried to smooth the situation by asking me why I didn’t just add them.

The bottom line is that I wanted a group of girls who would all mesh well together. I was in a wedding once where there was a catty divide between the high school friends and the college friends and the whole experience was miserable. On the other hand, I’ve been in weddings where everyone’s personality meshed and when the wedding events were over, we’d made new friends. That is what I wanted. You decide what you really want for your day, consider the consequences and make your choice.

Once you have, the fun can begin!

Photos courtesy of Lan Bui

Wedding Attendant Gifts

Your wedding party traditionally consists of the most important friends and people in your life. They have been there for you through the years. Your bridesmaids and groomsmen have listened to your romance woes, helped you make the right choices, and have scurried around to assist you during your wedding planning.

They’re shelling out hundreds to be in your wedding and you’re supposed to give them a gift at the event to show your thanks. You are spending thousands of dollars on the wedding and when you give those gifts they are just so...lame.

The wedding attendant gift is your chance to not only say thanks, but also to show these girls and guys that you really know them and what they like. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding where I swear the bride and groom went to an outlet store and got everyone the cheapest gifts in the place. I know it's the thought that counts, but there wasn't any thought in there! I mean, who gives a junior bridesmaid a hip flask?

To show your appreciation, be creative. Just remember, the gift you give should suit the personalities of your friends and your relationship with them. For example, the groomsmen are all sports fans - get them sporting event tickets. Or your bridesmaids and you go ga-ga over the "GooGoo Dolls" - find tickets to a concert and all of you go together as a post-wedding celebration!

One friend gave me "The Joy of Cooking" since she knew I loved to cook. I still use it to this day and it reminds me of her. All the groomsmen from that wedding got BBQ grill sets.

My cousin gave me a photo keepsake box with a unique piece of jewelry she had created. She gave her other bridesmaids equally lovely and unique pieces, but all wrapped up in separate types of boxes.

One of the nicest gifts I received as a bridesmaid was a heartfelt friendship card from the bride thanking me for being her friend. In it was a membership card for the World Wildlife Fund and a gift card. It was a thoughtful way for the bride to show she remembered my love of animals and shopping.

Make those wedding attendant gifts personal and show your love for the people who love you. It will make your wedding so much better!

Who ya gonna call - bridesmaids!

Let's say you have decided where and when you are getting married. That's excellent! Now you need to move on to the next step: the wedding party.

One of the first things you need to do is determine your bridal party attendants. Set the number of bridesmaids and groomsmen (or ushers) you are going to need. You probably have a pretty good idea as to whom you are going to select as Maid/Matron of Honor (MOH) and Best Man, but you need to determine how many other wedding attendants you require as well.

For example, I've been in a semi-formal wedding that had only a MOH. I also was in a wedding where there were two other bridesmaids. This seemed like a good size for a small formal wedding and we were all available in the same town to help with the planning and activities. Other brides choose to have HUGE wedding parties with all their BFFs and female family members and end up having 7 or 8 (or more!) bridesmaids.

For the most part, a well-composed bridal party can assist in many tasks leading up to the wedding. The MOH traditionally plans the bridal shower, and (in my family anyway) is assisted by the other bridesmaids and family members. Bridesmaids and groomsmen can assist in sending out invitations, recording RSVP's, choosing dresses and tuxedos or other attire.

So after you've decided who you want in your wedding, and before you select dresses, you need to consider:

1) How many bridesmaids do you want to have? Are you sure?
2) How many groomsmen to stand with the groom at the ceremony?
a. Also, do you need ushers who will seat the guests and are not part of the ceremony itself?
3) Will your asking a friend to be in the wedding party be a financial burden?
a. Can the friend afford to buy a dress or rent a tux?
b. Will there be excessive travel costs?
c. Can the friend be integral to the events and choices made?

Once you have decided all these factors, go ahead and set the bridal party. Then you can meet with all of them and discuss what you expect for your special day. And who knows? Maybe you will like some of their ideas!