More Wedding Guest Etiquette Q&A

Last week we discussed three of the most frequently asked questions regarding wedding guest etiquette. But that list was far from complete.

Today we are back to answer your etiquette questions regarding your guests and their little tagalongs.


Q: What to do when kids aren't invited and you're put on the spot when someone says, "but isn't it different for us since we are family?”

WW: Weddings bring out the best in people. Most of the time they are in a good mood, they are generous, they feel loving. Unfortunately, dear Bride-to-Be, it also brings out the worst. Many people can’t understand why you would want to exclude their little darlings from your Big Day and they can get down-right offended if their kiddos aren’t invited.

However, if you and your future spouse have opted for an adults-only wedding, then you have to stick your ground.

If you are put on the spot, tell the offending party that, unfortunately, the no-kids rule goes for family members, too.

If you feel like you must explain your decision-which you aren’t required to do, by the way-tell them you and your fiance have opted for an adults-only wedding. Stress the fact that it would make you look bad if non-family member guests showed up sans children, only to see other kids running and playing throughout the event.

If you can’t think of this quickly enough when you are on the spot, then call the family member as soon as possible and clarify the situation. Again, elaborate only where you feel you must and assure your wedding guest that it isn’t a personal attack on their children.

It is also perfectly acceptable for you to call guests who RSVP for their children and remind them you are having an adults-only reception.


Q: How do you handle guests who bring their children to an adults-only wedding, then the child proceeds to cry during the ceremony and doesn’t have a seat or meal at the reception?

WW: My number ONE rule for you regarding wedding day mishaps is to let it go. DON'T let any of your guests have that much control over you or your feelings on your wedding day.

However, if you are concerned this might happen, a little advance planning can go a long way to ease your worries.

Ceremony:
Ask a friend to monitor for children entering the ceremony and tell her to direct all families with children either to the cry room (of a church) or to the back row.

This same friend can help control crying babies by politely asking their parents to step outside until the ceremony has ended.

Reception:
Always plan for extra guests at your reception, either by leaving one or two seats open per table, or by asking your caterer to set an extra table for guests who didn't RSVP.

Did you experience anything like this during your wedding? How did you react?

Photos courtesy of jalvear and Xtream_i

Bridal Etiquette Q&A-Top Wedding Guest Etiquette Questions Answered

Every bride and her mother has an opinion on what constitutes a perfect wedding and on how perfectly the new bride executed her duties … and they are all too quick to point out if she committed a wedding faux pas.

While it is impossible for a bride to please everyone, there are certain wedding rules she should obey.

Here are three of the most frequently asked wedding guest etiquette questions and tips on how to handle these sometimes-not-so-delicate situations.


1. Do we have to send a wedding invitation to everyone who attended our engagement party?

WW: First of all, congratulations on announcing your engagement with a bang-I love engagement parties. But to answer your question … yes. Everyone who receives an invitation to your engagement party should receive an invitation to your wedding.

It is for this reason experts recommend that couples don’t do anything until they have established their guest list … just too much revolves around it.

The same goes for your wedding shower or any other pre-wedding events you have. Once again, if you invite someone to your engagement party, wedding shower or bridal shower, they will expect to be invited to the wedding.

*The exception to this is when your coworkers host a shower for you at work.

2. How do I ask guests to BYOB?

WW: Well, you don’t. Even if you are having an informal wedding, guests should never be asked to pull out their wallet (as in cash bars) or even worse-asked to bring their own liquor. It is considered poor taste. If you can’t afford a full bar, then you can either 1) limit your choices to beer and wine only 2) omit drinks during the cocktail hour or 3) shorten your reception time.

3. Do I have to include a +1 on my invitations for single guests?

WW: The short answer is NO. It is your wedding and you are not required to invite-and buy dinner for-someone you don’t know, in this case, your single guests’ dates. That being said, there are some exceptions you might want to consider:

- If any of your guests have had a long-term boyfriend/girlfriend, then that person should be included on the invitation. Use your good judgment to define “long-term” and try to be consistent with all of your guests. You want your guests to feel comfortable at your wedding, but you aren’t required to invite their boyfriend du jour to your big bash.

- Live-ins. Likely if someone has a live-in boyfriend/girlfriend, they fit in the “long-term” category above. Remember, many people consider their live-ins to be spousal and are offended if that person isn’t invited to your wedding. I know people who have declined to attend a wedding, simply because of this unfortunate oversight.

- If you have guests who are traveling a great distance, either by car or plane, or who will have to spend the night in a hotel, it is considerate to include a +1 on their invitations, even if they don’t have a long-term boyfriend/girlfriend. Put yourself in their shoes and consider how you’d feel if you had to travel a long distance, spend the night by yourself and essentially be alone throughout the wedding.

Do you have any etiquette questions? If so, leave them in the comments or send me an email at cherrye.moore@gmail.com and I’ll answer them next week!

Photo courtesy of Auntie P

Gift Registry 101, Part I: Basic Etiquette

Possibly the second best thing about getting married, you know, after pledging your life to your soul mate and best friend-is getting gifts!


No, no one likes to talk about it and there is an endless list of gift-receiving no-no’s, but let’s face it, gifts are fun. However, more importantly than what you receive or how much your guests spend, is how you and your fiancé handle the registry.

See, my wedding was a bit tricky. Although our wedding was in southeast Texas, I had recently joined my husband in southern Italy and our guests knew we were limited in what we could carry and use in Europe.

Since I have strong opinions on social norms and wedding etiquette, I refused to allow my registry to be printed on my shower invitations, didn’t include gift information on my website and didn’t ask-or tell-friends and family members that money and gift certificates would be appreciated.

Was I wrong?

I don’t know. (Just between you and me, about half of the guests who attended our wedding didn’t give a gift, an effect my mother says stems from the uncertainties about what we could take and/or use in Italy. However, that is not my bad etiquette and is truly a post for another day.)

Whether you choose to publish your gift registry details is up to you, although many experts agree that broadcasting registry information is akin to asking for presents, a gesture shunned by wedding etiquette enthusiasts.

In fact, according to Ask Carley at TheKnot.Com, the only way to get the word out about your registry is to wait for them to ask. While many of the comments under this article suggest putting registry information on your website, I’m still against it.

When I visit a wedding website, I like to look at pictures, read the couple’s love story and uncover information about the event I’m planning to attend. I don’t like to get slapped in the face with a reminder that I need to buy a gift. I know I’m expected to purchase a gift and I know how to use the “contact us” form if I have any questions. I guess I think the broadcasting of registry information is like saying, “You can come to my party … but only if you do this!” And I don’t like ultimatums.

So … do you want to follow the rules of etiquette and still make sure your guests can track down your gifts? Here are a few tips to help you out.

1. Tell your family and closest friends about your dilemma. Explain that you don’t want to advertise your registry and ask them to share your information when other guests ask.

2. Willingly share your gift registry information with anyone who asks you-and believe me, people will ask. If anyone asks why you didn’t put the information on your website or shower cards, just tell them that gifts aren’t the most important part of the day, but that you have made selections at XYZ store.

3. If you are still worried that people won’t know you are registered, add a line to your wedding website that says, “Have any questions? Contact me at …” This will encourage your guests to email you and ask for details.

Do you have any other gift registry etiquette tips for other brides? Be sure to come back on Thursday for Gift Registry 101, Part II: Unique Ideas for Your Gift Registry.

Photo courtesy of Scorpions and Centaurs