Make Her Say YES! Ask Your Bridesmaids with Style

We've spent a lot of time talking about the wedding party ... who to ask, who not to ask and what they should wear. All important topics, I must say.

But let's back up just a tad and think about how you can ask them.

Although many girls would take out their youngest cousin's 12-year-old daughter to be a bridesmaid, it is a tough job. If you have been a bridesmaid - you know that.

Bridesmaid 101 lists almost two dozen job responsibilities and ClassyWeddingFavors.Com says bridesmaids should expect to dish out up to $200 for the shower alone. Eek.

For this reason, I suggest brides pamper their maids every chance they get ... starting with Day One.

Instead of picking up the phone or swinging by your friend's house after work, consider throwing a cocktail party, girls' night or lunch date and invite all of your potential bridesmaids to join your wedding party at one time.

American Greetings has a wide selection of e-vites to set the tone. Choose a theme, either wedding-related or something that relates to all of your friends. For example, if you and your potential attendants love reading books and hanging out at Starbucks, choose a cafe-related e-vite and ask them to meet you at your favorite coffee house for lattes.

Here are a few other party themes that could help you pop the question.

- Martini Madness
Choose an e-vite decorated with martini glasses and use colors such as dark green, maroon and brown. Invite your potential bridesmaids over for a night of Sex in the City reruns and cosmos. Make a toast for them proclaiming how much they mean to you and ask them to be in your wedding party.

- Mexican Fiesta
Send a Mexican-flavored e-vite and ask your friends to join you for lunch at your favorite Mexican restaurant. Hand write a note for each girl and ask the waiter to deliver it, along with her favorite dessert (that you have pre-ordered) at the end of the meal. Who could say no to that?

- Girls Gone Goofy
Invite your potential attendants to a pre-bachelorette party bash by choosing a girls' night-themed e-vite. Ask them to meet at your house for dinner or appetizers before you hit the town. When they have all arrived, let them know how much their friendship has meant to you and tell them that there is no one you'd rather stand by your side when you say "I do," than them. Celebrate by going out dancing, to a karaoke bar or to your favorite pub.

Since you know how much work is involved and how expensive things could get for your bridesmaids, be sure to tell them they don't have to answer you right away. I suggest for you to insist they think about it for a few days before giving you an answer. You don't want one of your potential bridesmaids to get caught up in the moment and say "yes," only to tell you a few weeks later that she can't afford it.

Pamper your bridesmaids from the start and they are sure to repay the favor every chance they get.

Have you already asked your bridesmaids to be in your wedding party? Did you do something special for them? If so, what did you do?

Photos courtesy of Saquan Stimpson and Adam

Wedding Events - The Bridesmaids' Party

If you think about it, your Maid of Honor and all your bridesmaids' have been putting up with all your brouhaha about the wedding - temper tantrums, having to buy dresses they may never wear again, and coping with all your stress. Now is the time for you to do something nice for them!

Host a bridesmaids party! This is one party that you, as the bride, need to plan and host yourself. Invite the bridesmaids to a pre-wedding bash that is just for them.

Send invitations at least 2 weeks in advance. You should invite all the ladies in the wedding, as well as the mothers and grandmothers and sisters and sisters-in-law who aren't in the bridal party. If any children are attendants, it's a friendly gesture to invite their mothers also.

Traditionally a bridesmaids party was a bridesmaids luncheon held on the day of the wedding, but with all the turmoil surrounding weddings today, it is probably better to hold the party a week or two before the main event. In this day and age, luncheons have been replaced with such events as afternoon teas, spa days, dinners, or a night out (not to be confused with the bachelorette party, which is a whole different animal).

To me, the nicest and probably most calming way is to have a late buffet lunch or afternoon tea at home. This way everyone can relax. If you have bridesmaids who do not know each other, this is a good way for them to bond so that you have a cohesive team working for you at the wedding itself.

Set a menu. Since this is a ladies-only event, you will probably choose a light meal. Saladsare good summer choices. In cold months, you might serve soup and sandwiches. At a tea, have a huge assortment of finger sandwiches, canapes and hors d'oeuvres. For all meals, have beverages - coffee, tea, soft drinks, and perhaps champagne.

A dessert table with a knock-out chocolate dessert (forget the calories - its a party!) and other treats is always a great way to get everyone to open up and chat.

Your party decor should reflect your wedding decorations, and wedding favors should be fun and perhaps a bit risqué. Have plenty of flowers - corsages for the mothers and grandmothers, small bouquets for the bridesmaids. You can even give the the young ones their flower girl baskets so that they can practice tossing petals.

For the bridesmaids themselves, present them with a unique gift -jewelry, monogrammed stationery, a silver picture frame - to thank them for their service to you before and during the wedding itself. You might want to prepare a short speech that expresses your appreciation at this time as well.

A bridesmaids party can set the tone of fun and camaraderie that these wedding attendants will carry forward to the wedding and help make it an event to remember.

Don't Make The Bridesmaids Hate You!

I've been a bridesmaid a lot and every single time the bride assures me that I will be able to "wear the dress again!"

Sure. And pigs will fly and the sun will shine at night!

One of my bridesmaid nightmares was a lemon yellow A-line long dress with a white lace yoke. Since my complexion is light olive, I looked greenish throughout the wedding. My aunt actually asked me if I was sick. Of course the bridesmaid who advised the bride on the dresses looked wonderful with her rosy cheeks and blue eyes, while the rest of us looked like we were going to puke!

And then there was the crinoline in polka dots that kept flopping up over my head, every time I sat down! It was very tiring to have to keep standing so my underwear wasn't on display!

But my all-time "favorite" bridesmaid dress was a pink ball gown dress. It had a full, round, layered chiffon over-skirt with a brown underskirt and poof sleeves. We also wore them with lime green floppy hats. I looked like a sick Hostess Sno-ball under a leaf.

Would you believe that they were made especially for us?

Ugly bridesmaid dresses recently inspired a movie - 27 Dresses!

Just once, I'd like to see a bridesmaid's dress that can be worn again!

Want to keep your bridesmaids as friends after the honeymoon? Don't make them hate you! Find a place in your vision to make sure that they like the dresses and shoes you are making them pay so much money to buy and wear. And for Pete's sake, pick out a dress they can wear more than once!

Plan a girls' night out and invite the bridesmaids to go shopping for the dresses with you. Make an appointment at a bridal salon. Inform them that you are seeking bridesmaids' dresses and that you want to have a selection ready in a certain price range. With bridesmaids in tow, have them look at the dresses.

Remember what looks good on a tall willowy blond won't necessarily flatter a short freckled redhead. Consider letting them choose their own gowns, maybe in different hues of the same color that go with their complexions or with a universally flattering hemline but different dress styles to suit their bodies - some women like sleeveless, others hate their upper arms and want them covered. Take their concerns into account and find the dresses that will stand the test of time - and your friendship.

Do not make your final selection at this time. Take digital photos of each woman in each style dress. Record style number, designer or company and other pertinent information. Go home and sleep on the choices.

After the dress excursion, go out to dinner and talk about everything that made you friends in the first place. Have a good time - and don't talk about the dresses! After a couple of days, call each of your bridesmaids and ask her for choice of dress. If you have bridesmaids from out town, send them copies of the pictures and get their input into the dress style. Once you have all the data, tally the votes.

Then you can make your decision. If all the women are happy, then they will joyfully walk down the aisle before you and make your day even better !

All Dressed In ...

Remember when you were little, when you and your girlfriends would play dress-up with curtains as veils and be princesses or brides or even better, princess brides?

Wedding dreams are a staple of a young girl's fantasy life - and the main aspect of that fantasy is the dream wedding gown.

There are as many dresses out there - at stores, on the internet, bridal gown salons - as there are brides.

One of the best ways to settle these issues is to go on what I call a preemptive shopping expedition. Choose a day - preferably a Saturday, several months before the wedding - and make appointments at two or three wedding gown salons.

In order to have this be a fun day instead of a chore, invite your mother, prospective mother-in-law, maid of honor and even bridesmaids to a nice brunch and make this a festive way to get the wedding preparations started happily.

After the get-together, all of you go to the gown salons and start the process of finding the right dress for the occasion.

(Hint: this is a day to focus on the wedding gown, mothers and bridesmaids dresses should be done at another session)

Try on all the dresses you can - from slinky sheaths to the Princess Diana wedding dress type and everything in-between. This first trip should not be about price. (Besides, how often can you go into a shop and say I want to try on a $10,000 dress and be taken seriously. Enjoy the sensation while you can!)

As you try on each dress, have your mom or someone take a digital photo of you in the gown from several angles. Do this for every gown you try on, even if you don't care for it. You never know, you may look really awesome and not even know it.

Do not make any commitment to buying a dress until you have comparison shopped. Have all the photos printed. Post them on a wall or a bulletin board - somewhere you can see all the gowns on you in one place. Then you can determine what you want.

If your choice is too expensive, try to find a clone of the gown in a less expensive fabric, or with less hand-sewn bead work. Visit an wedding dress website and see what can be done. Even go to a designer site and see if they have the gown you like on sale (unlikely but worth a shot!).

Once you've made your choice as to style, fit it in your budget and go with it. Hopefully this is a once in a lifetime investment - you are buying a wedding gown - not just a dress!

Who ya gonna call - bridesmaids!

Let's say you have decided where and when you are getting married. That's excellent! Now you need to move on to the next step: the wedding party.

One of the first things you need to do is determine your bridal party attendants. Set the number of bridesmaids and groomsmen (or ushers) you are going to need. You probably have a pretty good idea as to whom you are going to select as Maid/Matron of Honor (MOH) and Best Man, but you need to determine how many other wedding attendants you require as well.

For example, I've been in a semi-formal wedding that had only a MOH. I also was in a wedding where there were two other bridesmaids. This seemed like a good size for a small formal wedding and we were all available in the same town to help with the planning and activities. Other brides choose to have HUGE wedding parties with all their BFFs and female family members and end up having 7 or 8 (or more!) bridesmaids.

For the most part, a well-composed bridal party can assist in many tasks leading up to the wedding. The MOH traditionally plans the bridal shower, and (in my family anyway) is assisted by the other bridesmaids and family members. Bridesmaids and groomsmen can assist in sending out invitations, recording RSVP's, choosing dresses and tuxedos or other attire.

So after you've decided who you want in your wedding, and before you select dresses, you need to consider:

1) How many bridesmaids do you want to have? Are you sure?
2) How many groomsmen to stand with the groom at the ceremony?
a. Also, do you need ushers who will seat the guests and are not part of the ceremony itself?
3) Will your asking a friend to be in the wedding party be a financial burden?
a. Can the friend afford to buy a dress or rent a tux?
b. Will there be excessive travel costs?
c. Can the friend be integral to the events and choices made?

Once you have decided all these factors, go ahead and set the bridal party. Then you can meet with all of them and discuss what you expect for your special day. And who knows? Maybe you will like some of their ideas!