Planning A Wedding Rehearsal Dinner

The wedding rehearsal dinner is a very important element in the wedding planning process. There are two types of rehearsal dinners - the formal and the informal.

Planning the wedding rehearsal dinner can be stressful on top of all the other wedding planning - especially as the dinner is traditionally held the night before the wedding itself.

Originally the wedding rehearsal dinner was a sit-down affair hosted by the groom's parents. However in these changing times "anything goes", so there are more informal wedding rehearsal dinners hosted by friends, bride's relatives, or even the couple themselves. (My friend Bill and his bride Lynn took all of us on a dinner cruise.)

For all wedding rehearsal dinners, however, there are several guidelines that should be followed.
1) The wedding rehearsal dinner guests include the wedding party, the bride and groom's parents and close relatives. Asking out-of-town wedding guests to the rehearsal dinner will give the bride and groom an extra opportunity to welcome and spend time with them. The wedding rehearsal dinner is a great time for all the guests to get to know each other before the wedding reception.

2) Mail invitations (e-invitations, too) ahead of time so that everyone knows about this event. Even though you are going to be really busy with the wedding, you don't want to leave anyone important out of the rehearsal dinner or there could be hurt feelings that reverberate down through the years. (My grandmother didn't speak to her brother-in-law for 20 years because he forgot to invite my uncle to a rehearsal dinner where he was going to be an usher and reader. She took these things very seriously.)

3) Be sure to serve sparkling drinks (champagne and nonalcoholic versions) for some toasts. Unlike the toasts at the wedding where the time is limited, this is a perfect occasion for the best man and maid-of-honor to toast the couple in anticipation of their other toasts the next day.

It is also where the bride and groom can toast their parents to thank them and each other’s parents in appreciation of the joining of their families. Others may join in - and it could be a rollicking good time as stories of the bride and groom are shared.

4) Since the wedding is the next day, (and hopefully the bachelor and bachelorette parties are dim memories) control the consumption of alcohol, whether the party is formal or informal. Start with the champagne toast and surreptitiously switch to nonalcoholic drinks during the evening. Have each guest's wineglass marked with a wineglass tag after the first drink, so that you know that alcohol was served. This way you can switch to the nonalcoholic sparkling wine. Above all you need to make it your goal to get them "to the church on time" – and relatively sober.

Another time, we will go into more detail regarding how to host an all-out formal elegant sit-down wedding rehearsal dinner or an informal bash that is unique and fun!

Wedding Events - The Bridesmaids' Party

If you think about it, your Maid of Honor and all your bridesmaids' have been putting up with all your brouhaha about the wedding - temper tantrums, having to buy dresses they may never wear again, and coping with all your stress. Now is the time for you to do something nice for them!

Host a bridesmaids party! This is one party that you, as the bride, need to plan and host yourself. Invite the bridesmaids to a pre-wedding bash that is just for them.

Send invitations at least 2 weeks in advance. You should invite all the ladies in the wedding, as well as the mothers and grandmothers and sisters and sisters-in-law who aren't in the bridal party. If any children are attendants, it's a friendly gesture to invite their mothers also.

Traditionally a bridesmaids party was a bridesmaids luncheon held on the day of the wedding, but with all the turmoil surrounding weddings today, it is probably better to hold the party a week or two before the main event. In this day and age, luncheons have been replaced with such events as afternoon teas, spa days, dinners, or a night out (not to be confused with the bachelorette party, which is a whole different animal).

To me, the nicest and probably most calming way is to have a late buffet lunch or afternoon tea at home. This way everyone can relax. If you have bridesmaids who do not know each other, this is a good way for them to bond so that you have a cohesive team working for you at the wedding itself.

Set a menu. Since this is a ladies-only event, you will probably choose a light meal. Saladsare good summer choices. In cold months, you might serve soup and sandwiches. At a tea, have a huge assortment of finger sandwiches, canapes and hors d'oeuvres. For all meals, have beverages - coffee, tea, soft drinks, and perhaps champagne.

A dessert table with a knock-out chocolate dessert (forget the calories - its a party!) and other treats is always a great way to get everyone to open up and chat.

Your party decor should reflect your wedding decorations, and wedding favors should be fun and perhaps a bit risqué. Have plenty of flowers - corsages for the mothers and grandmothers, small bouquets for the bridesmaids. You can even give the the young ones their flower girl baskets so that they can practice tossing petals.

For the bridesmaids themselves, present them with a unique gift -jewelry, monogrammed stationery, a silver picture frame - to thank them for their service to you before and during the wedding itself. You might want to prepare a short speech that expresses your appreciation at this time as well.

A bridesmaids party can set the tone of fun and camaraderie that these wedding attendants will carry forward to the wedding and help make it an event to remember.

All Dressed In ...

Remember when you were little, when you and your girlfriends would play dress-up with curtains as veils and be princesses or brides or even better, princess brides?

Wedding dreams are a staple of a young girl's fantasy life - and the main aspect of that fantasy is the dream wedding gown.

There are as many dresses out there - at stores, on the internet, bridal gown salons - as there are brides.

One of the best ways to settle these issues is to go on what I call a preemptive shopping expedition. Choose a day - preferably a Saturday, several months before the wedding - and make appointments at two or three wedding gown salons.

In order to have this be a fun day instead of a chore, invite your mother, prospective mother-in-law, maid of honor and even bridesmaids to a nice brunch and make this a festive way to get the wedding preparations started happily.

After the get-together, all of you go to the gown salons and start the process of finding the right dress for the occasion.

(Hint: this is a day to focus on the wedding gown, mothers and bridesmaids dresses should be done at another session)

Try on all the dresses you can - from slinky sheaths to the Princess Diana wedding dress type and everything in-between. This first trip should not be about price. (Besides, how often can you go into a shop and say I want to try on a $10,000 dress and be taken seriously. Enjoy the sensation while you can!)

As you try on each dress, have your mom or someone take a digital photo of you in the gown from several angles. Do this for every gown you try on, even if you don't care for it. You never know, you may look really awesome and not even know it.

Do not make any commitment to buying a dress until you have comparison shopped. Have all the photos printed. Post them on a wall or a bulletin board - somewhere you can see all the gowns on you in one place. Then you can determine what you want.

If your choice is too expensive, try to find a clone of the gown in a less expensive fabric, or with less hand-sewn bead work. Visit an wedding dress website and see what can be done. Even go to a designer site and see if they have the gown you like on sale (unlikely but worth a shot!).

Once you've made your choice as to style, fit it in your budget and go with it. Hopefully this is a once in a lifetime investment - you are buying a wedding gown - not just a dress!

Who ya gonna call - bridesmaids!

Let's say you have decided where and when you are getting married. That's excellent! Now you need to move on to the next step: the wedding party.

One of the first things you need to do is determine your bridal party attendants. Set the number of bridesmaids and groomsmen (or ushers) you are going to need. You probably have a pretty good idea as to whom you are going to select as Maid/Matron of Honor (MOH) and Best Man, but you need to determine how many other wedding attendants you require as well.

For example, I've been in a semi-formal wedding that had only a MOH. I also was in a wedding where there were two other bridesmaids. This seemed like a good size for a small formal wedding and we were all available in the same town to help with the planning and activities. Other brides choose to have HUGE wedding parties with all their BFFs and female family members and end up having 7 or 8 (or more!) bridesmaids.

For the most part, a well-composed bridal party can assist in many tasks leading up to the wedding. The MOH traditionally plans the bridal shower, and (in my family anyway) is assisted by the other bridesmaids and family members. Bridesmaids and groomsmen can assist in sending out invitations, recording RSVP's, choosing dresses and tuxedos or other attire.

So after you've decided who you want in your wedding, and before you select dresses, you need to consider:

1) How many bridesmaids do you want to have? Are you sure?
2) How many groomsmen to stand with the groom at the ceremony?
a. Also, do you need ushers who will seat the guests and are not part of the ceremony itself?
3) Will your asking a friend to be in the wedding party be a financial burden?
a. Can the friend afford to buy a dress or rent a tux?
b. Will there be excessive travel costs?
c. Can the friend be integral to the events and choices made?

Once you have decided all these factors, go ahead and set the bridal party. Then you can meet with all of them and discuss what you expect for your special day. And who knows? Maybe you will like some of their ideas!