Wedding Receiving Lines

The ceremony is done, you've just been kissed, and the wedding reception - the fun part - looms on the horizon. There is just one more formality that you really should do - the wedding receiving line. There are a couple of choices for this: having one at the ceremony site or at the wedding reception site.

While some couples neglect this ritual - I was at a wedding two weeks ago and the wedding couple didn't have one at all - this is still your chance to welcome all the people you've invited to your wedding and thank them for sharing your day with you.

In some cases, wedding couples hold their wedding receiving line at the ceremony site right after the wedding is over. They greet their guests as they are leaving the site and do not worry about any sort of receiving line at the wedding reception.

Others opt to hold a wedding receiving line at the wedding reception venue. Once the wedding ceremony is concluded, they leave that venue, have pictures taken, and then proceed to form a wedding receiving line once they reach the wedding reception. This necessitates that the wedding couple reach the wedding reception venue ahead of the guests so that they can greet them properly.

No matter where you decide to hold your receiving line, there are a few things to review so that you are able to greet your guests with the respect and appreciation they deserve for attending your wedding.

A day or two before the wedding, go over the guest list with your parents, spouse-to-be and wedding attendants. Determine who has responded and who will be attending the wedding. Put all your place cards in order so that the names are all fresh in your minds. (Here is a site that discusses the etiquette of the receiving line.)

Remind wedding attendants in the receiving line to keep comments short and sweet!

Position the receiving line at the end of the ceremony venue, so that when the guests exit the venue, they are greeted and received by your wedding party. (This site offers a couple of interesting line-ups for the actual receiving line.)

At the wedding reception, have the receiving line positioned at a convenient spot near the entrance of the wedding reception site. This way the guests can move down it easily, and go directly to the refreshment area where cocktails and appetizers are being served.

Provide some sort of musical background for the receiving line. A photo book or posters of you as a couple can be placed strategically for guests to look at while they are waiting in line. Have a guest book, perhaps a photo to sign and other amenities in the cocktail area while guests mingle as you finish with the receiving line. This is a great location for the table assignment place cards to be situated.

Remove gloves before shaking hands. (I know it's the best way to spread cold germs, so be careful you don't touch your face until you get your hands cleaned and sanitized, once all the guests have gone through the line).

If you've announced your wedding reception will begin at 5:30, expect your receiving line to take half an hour. Anyone who arrives later than that will just have to come and find you!

Some Unique Wedding Ceremony Ideas

Regardless of your religious affiliation there are numerous creative wedding touches to give your ceremony that special sparkle. Just make certain that if you are having a religious ceremony at a church, temple or mosque, that you discuss each concept with your officiant to make sure you aren't going against any rules.

A couple of places where you are often given free reign are in the wedding program and the processional/recessional. Here are a few ideas to get those creative juices flowing as to how to make your wedding ceremony extraordinary.

• The wedding program can list more than just the names of the participants. For instance, in a Greek Orthodox wedding there are a number of traditions and ceremonies within the wedding service itself that need explanation. (It takes 45 minutes and has multiple parts, so it's rather complex.) This is where you can explain what is going on to guests who are not part of the faith so that they can fully participate and understand the entire ceremony - even those parts not in English! Additionally the wedding program can indicate special memorials, readings, music and so on that will enhance your guests' participation in the wedding.
  

• Even if you are not having a Jewish wedding (where it's tradition), invite your mother to walk you down the aisle with your father. Having both parents (if you are lucky) escort you to your future is a warm and loving gesture. I always feel sorry that the mother of the bride has to sit all alone in the front pew and just witness her daughter's wedding instead of being an integral part of it. I attended a wedding this summer where the bride's parents and her oldest son walked her down the aisle. It was quite moving.
  

• Ask the groom's parents to be part of the processional as well. They can lead the procession with the bride's parents ending it.
  

• See if it is acceptable to the officiant for you to change places with him (or her) so that you face the guests during the ceremony instead of having your backs to them the entire time.
  

• Hand a rose to each of the mothers as you pass them during the recessional. Have them ready at the altar so that you can each pick one up and give it to each of your mothers-in law (your mothers) as you embrace them when you are newly husband and wife. Also publicly thank your parents as a gesture of love and respect.
  

• If you are holding your wedding outdoors, have a special wedding canopy set up to designate the "altar" area where the actual ceremony will take place. At the end of the ceremony, have the guests throw grass seed or flower seeds instead of rice. Still symbolizes fertility but it is better for the birds and the environment.

• Ask a friend or family member to perform a special wedding song during the ceremony. At my friend Cindy's wedding, my then-boyfriend played classical guitar as the guests were seated. It was an elegant touch.

• If it is allowed, have a friend do a reading of a wedding poem or wedding essay at your ceremony. If it is not permitted, consider having them do a short reading at the reception during the toasts. Send them a special invitation - aside from the wedding invitation - to participate.
  

Use these little touches to create unique ceremonial aspects to your wedding and you will remember them fondly throughout the years.

Seating The Guests

While it may seem logical to you, many people - especially the ushers - don't have a clue as to how to seat the guests at your wedding. While many guests show themselves to their seats, especially when the usher is nowhere to be seen, there is a custom to escort special guests to their seats before the wedding ceremony begins.

Even though you may be calling these particular groomsmen "ushers," they may not know how to escort the guests to their seats. I knew one usher who blithely took the groom's great-grandmother up the back stairs of the church to the choir loft because he thought it provided the best view in the house. Then he neglected to tell anyone he had done this. For ten minutes, the bride's father, the groom's father and all the bridesmaids were frantically seeking Nana and there she was, all alone in the choir loft trying to figure out how to get downstairs with her walker.

At the wedding rehearsal, take a few moments to explain to the ushers the protocols of seating the wedding guests. You haven't invited all these people to witness your wedding only to have them miffed before the ceremony even starts!

My suggestion is that you have photo prints of each important guest made and placed in a coordinated seating plan. Go over it with the ushers ahead of time. It doesn't cost a lot to have prints made and for you to sketch the rows where these guests are to sit, but it can save huge fusses later.

Place this chart at the back of the ceremony site near the guest book as a reference so that there is no confusion. It's not that you don't trust the ushers to recall your instructions, but they may not know who everyone is and this will help them make things go smoothly.

There are several permutations of seating that occur for different religious wedding ceremonies.
Most prominently, in Christian weddings, the bride's family sits on the left side of the church while the groom's family is on the right. Reform and Conservative Jewish weddings are just the opposite. Orthodox Jewish weddings segregate the men and women from sitting together at all.

The first row of the ceremony site is reserved for parents, the second for siblings, the third for grandparents and other close relatives. After that, ushers may seat guests as they arrive from front to back. Closest relatives should be seated last and separated from the rest of the guests due to their relationship. Guests who arrive late at the wedding ceremony should quietly sit at the back and don't need to be escorted by ushers.

Plan ahead now and save against seating headaches later!

More Wedding Traditions and Touches

Last time we talked about some customs incorporated by American couples in their wedding ceremonies and wedding receptions. Here are some more that make your wedding day even more outstanding.

Irish Traditions

The groom is lifted up in a chair (called a jaunting chair) at the wedding reception to signify he is a married man. Often, the wedding couple is given a horseshoe for luck to display in their new home. A Claddagh ring - a ring decorated with two hands holding a heart and a crown above them - is the traditional Irish wedding ring.

Greek Traditions

During the wedding ceremony, the bride and groom wear crowns of flowers or "stephana” as King and Queen of the day and their household. Their sponsor -- koumbaros (man) or koumbara (woman) -- places these on their heads. Sometimes these sponsors are the Maid of Honor and Best Man, or they are given a special role in the wedding ceremony. Inviting a man or woman or even a couple to be koumbari is a very serious undertaking. This sponsor will be a permanent member of your extended family.

Polish Traditions

Guests who dance with the bride at the wedding reception are expected to place gifts of money (preferably in money holders) in the pocket of an apron she wears for the occasion.

When the bride is dressed and ready to put on her veil, she stands by a mirror and watches her mother put it on for her. This symbolizes the last task a mother does for her little girl before she becomes a woman with her own life.

Scottish Traditions

The groom gives the bride an engraved silver teaspoon on their wedding day as a promise they will never go hungry. At the reception a traditional sword dance is often performed.

Hispanic Traditions

A large rosary or white rope called a "laso" is wound around the couple’s shoulders in a figure-8 during the ceremony to symbolize their union. Sometimes an heirloom mantilla is used in place of the “laso.” Three bouquets are used - the bride carries one, one is left at the altar to home the Virgin Mary, and their third is tossed at the ceremony.

Jewish Tradition

At the end of a Jewish wedding ceremony, a cloth-wrapped wine glass is smashed as a reminder of the hardship endured by the Jewish people by the destruction of the Holy Temple in ancient Israel, and as a reminder of the fragility of love and marriage. As the glass breaks, everyone cries "mazel tov" (congratulations) and then it's off to the wedding reception.

Next time, let's talk about what customs you can create for your own traditions!

Do-It-Yourself Wedding Ceremony

This is the era of do-it-yourself. There is even an entire DIY television network dedicated to the do-it-yourselfer in all of us! So why not a DIY wedding ceremony?

From printable invitations to designing the order of service, programs, music, and vows, couples are opting for putting their own stamp on their weddings.

Many couples are choosing to have a secular ceremony officiated by a judge, mayor or even a friend who has been authorized to act for the day. Their services normally differ from the established weddings that are offered through churches or other places of worship.

The DIY wedding can be in a hall, a backyard, a beach or even a park. The key is what the couple chooses and how it meets their own vision of what they want for their wedding.

Couples often want to incorporate elements in their ceremonies that reflect their interests or their ethnicity. Some want to have theme-based weddings, such as a Medieval/Renaissance wedding or Celtic wedding, that include different practices than those that are acceptable in a religious location.

The elements that are part of a DIY wedding may include:

Wedding Music - This aspect of the wedding is really where the DIY couple can place their stamp on the day. Music reflects what the couple likes: country music, classical, traditional, swing or rock and roll. Whatever choice is made will set the tone of the entire day.

Music has traditionally been played before the ceremony as the guests are seated, during the processional and at the recessional. Some music is even incorporated into the service. Nowadays, the music selections are even listed and described in the wedding program.

Wedding Processional - This is where the bridal party makes it way to the ceremony location. This is often the most formal and grandest part of the ceremony. The officiant, the groom, the parents, the attendants and finally the bride, in all her wedding ensemble, march to where the actual ceremony begins.

Wedding Service - Even if it is a secular wedding, the officiant generally gives a few words of guidance and encouragement as the couple embarks on their lives together. It helps if the officiant knows the couple, since it makes these words sound more sincere.

Wedding Vows - While many couples still opt for the traditional vows that are seen in all the movies, quite a few are opting for writing their own vows. If you are not a writer, seek assistance for this, as you could ramble for quite a while and not actually say anything. A well-written vow can be moving, even funny, but it should always express what you are promising to your partner for life!

Special Elements - Here is where you can put another imprint on your day. Have readings by friends that mean something to you as a couple. They can be religious, love poems, essays or even original work.

Ask someone close to you who is musical to prepare a song or an instrumental piece.

Incorporate your favorite elements from traditional services, like lighting unity candles or having your parents escort you both down the aisle. Make these your own.

The key is to make this your own day!