Snip, Trim and Cut: Four Tips to Help You Narrow Your Guest List

Think every guest doesn’t add to your budget’s bottom line? Think again. Each guest you invite means you have to pay for one more invitation, one more reply card and envelope, one more stamp, one, possibly two more dinners with drinks, one, possibly two more favors, additional table room, additional chairs or chair covers, additional cake … need I go on?

Unless you don’t plan for seating and feeding every guest, you will likely be concerned with how many people you invite, and thus … have to cut. American Greetings lists helpful steps for creating your guest list and here are four tips to help you snip, trim and cut that list once you have.

1. The Long-lost Friend Invite
If you haven’t seen someone in more than three years, consider giving them the axe. You might have been the dearest of friends in grade school, but you won’t have an opportunity to visit with them during your wedding anyway. If it is someone you feel you should invite, then call them and ask them to meet you for lunch or dinner. If you still feel a kindred friendship with them after you meet up again, then invite them. Otherwise … snip, snip, snip.

2. The Office Party Invite
Unless you socialize outside of work with your colleagues, consider slashing their names right off the top of your list. I know it can be a touchy subject, especially when they bring it up or ask you about your wedding plans at work. Tell them as soon as possible that you and your fiancé have agreed to have a small wedding and that neither of you will be able to invite friends from work. They might be hurt initially, especially if they feel close to you, but they will appreciate your honesty and will still be anxious to talk about your wedding at the water cooler!

3. The Mother-of-the-Groom’s Third-Cousin Invite
Although many wedding experts advise you to cut your wedding guest list into thirds (one-third for your family, one-third for your fiancé’s family and one-third for you as a couple), I disagree. I was happy to read recently that I was not alone.

Remember, this is your wedding. Your parents invited who they wanted to attend their wedding didn’t they? Well, ok, don’t tell them I said it like that, but do keep in mind that you want your closest friends and family members with you … not your mother’s former co-worker or your groom’s dad’s golfing buddy.

4. The Plus-1 Invite
Contrary to what many bride-to-be’s believe, you do not have to invite a guest for your single friends. When I got married, I only invited married friends, engaged friends, or long-term boyfriends/girlfriends. I made an exception for guests who had to travel out of state to attend my wedding (no one wants to fly on an airplane or drive a long distance and sleep in a hotel room alone!) and for single guests who would not know anyone else there.

Other people suggest not inviting children and cutting out all relatives past a pre-set “distance.” The important thing to remember is for you and your future spouse to be on the same page and to cut guests accordingly. They say what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger … the same goes for planning your wedding. Be fair. Be consistent. And get to snipping!

Did you have to cut guests from your guest list? If so, how did you do it? How did you deal with family members who might not have agreed with you?

Wedding Guest Lists Dos and Don'ts

Maneuvering the intricacies of setting up your wedding guest list, not insulting anyone, and actually getting the wedding reception mix that you want is not an easy task. You've set the number of guests that you want to send invitations to... Now you have to determine what, if any, situations will arise that will alter your plans - and not necessarily for the better.

Here are some wedding guest list tips that will help you steer clear of a wedding disaster story.

Do appoint a "list master." Once you've put your list together, designate one person in charge of all changes and updates rather than letting everyone make changes to the same document. I suggest a close friend or relative who is not easily cowed by your or your groom's parents, siblings and others who might want to “add so and so - no one will notice." The list master should only report to you, as it is your wedding.

Don't invite more people than you can afford. A smaller party is better if it is within your wedding budget. Also don't invite more people than your venue can accommodate. What will you do if they all decide they have to come and you are fined and possibly shut down because you broke occupancy regulations?

Do check your list for spelling and address errors. It's better to call and verify now than to take a guess and get the invitation back in the mail later. Enlist your parents and friends to help with this task.

Don't invite people to your wedding who you hope won't come! A wedding invitation is extended sincerely and hospitably. If you don't want someone to come to your wedding, don't ask him or her. Once that invitation is extended, you have essentially reserved a place for that person to be a part of your wedding.

Do invite live-in partners and spouses of invited guests. NO exceptions. You are not required, however, to allow single people to bring a guest or invite children to your wedding, nor should you be pressured into doing so. Your invitations will convey exactly who is invited. Here is an excellent site to show you how to word your invitations and response cards so that there is no mistaking whom you are inviting to your wedding.

Don't be surprised if people willfully ignore what you say. If some people want to bring their kids, they will. I hope you have friends who understand that adults mean adults. I was in a small wedding where I wasn't allowed to bring a date but one of the other guests showed up at the wedding reception with her boyfriend, his parents, brother and three sisters. Since the wedding was on a tight budget, six unexpected guests put quite a squeeze on the room space, the wedding favors, place cards, tables and even food. (To add insult to injury, one of the sisters caught the bridal bouquet.)

If something untoward happens, grin and bear it, but try to avoid these problems before they arise by being specific and clear in your invitations to your guests.

Wedding Guest Lists - Part 1

Before you can send out wedding invitations or hire a caterer or even choose your wedding location, you need to get a handle on who is going to be invited to your wedding.

Do you have a small wedding in mind for only immediate family and really close friends, or are you thinking of something that includes everyone you've ever met? Seriously, I was invited to a wedding reception for a recently married couple and it seemed as if the entire church congregation - and then some - was there.

Wedding couples often experience frustration when trying to organize the guest list. Just gathering correct and current addresses can be a Herculean task, especially if you are having your parents contributing names to the wedding guest list - and they send new ones every two days or so!

Your best bet is to choose a format or wedding planning software for collecting your wedding guest information. Make sure that everyone - parents included - uses that same format. This will be helpful when sending invitations and printing out the place cards or escort cards for the table seating. Additionally, if you have multiple lists this is a good way to integrate them.

Organize your wedding guest lists by group so you can see how your numbers stack up. Your primary group should be immediate family and closest friends. Once you establish that number you can see how much room you have for other guests. Some of this might depend on your wedding size preference and wedding budget. Then create groups for other guests - extended family, co-workers, school friends and so forth.

Grouping your wedding guest list will help you do two things: keep a perspective on whom to invite, and identify issues you will want to consider. You may want to invite your second cousin's boyfriend. If he is allowed to attend, what is to stop your other second cousins from bringing their significant others when you haven't planned to extend your list so far out?

When compiling your wedding guest list, remember that consistency is gracious. If you define the parameters of your list by group, it will be much easier for you when you are making decisions about whom to invite. \

In other words, if you are having an adults-only wedding reception or limiting the extra guest option for single people, it's much easier to explain that choice than if you decide to invite the kids of certain guests, or let some bring dates but not others.

Next time, we'll talk about guest list do's and don'ts, and how to word those invitations so there is no mistaking your intention as to who is and who isn't invited to your wedding.