Eight Steps to Organizing Your Wedding Rehearsal

We’ve spent a lot of time talking about wedding rehearsals and if you read this site on a regular basis, you know my opinion on the matter. (If you don’t read it on a regular basis, that is okay. For the record-I think they are a must!)

If you agree-or if I’ve turned you, convinced you or otherwise scared the bejeezes out of you, then that is great. But you might have a few questions about what to do and how to do it.

So, I'll help.


Here are eight easy steps to organizing your wedding rehearsal.

1. If possible, book your ceremony site for the evening before your wedding. It is best to rehearse on-site for about an hour. Many wedding venues and churches are open to the idea of a rehearsal and the time is included in the cost of your venue rental.

2. Notify all of your wedding party attendants, the officiant and anyone else who will play an important role during the wedding, such as readers, musicians and ceremony attendants.

3. Discuss your options with your fiancé and officiant before the rehearsal to ensure you are on the same page. Make notes of your choices and create a detailed outline for your attendants.

4. Things to consider include:

- Where do you want the attendants to stand?

- If you are having a religious ceremony, will the attendants stand the whole time, or will they sit during the readings, then move for the wedding nuptials?

- What will you do with the children? Can they sit if the ceremony is going to be long? Where will their parents sit?

- Who will open the doors for you?

- Who will notify musicians when you are ready to begin? When will they begin playing?

- If you are having a religious ceremony, will you and your fiancé sit or kneel? If so, where and on what?

- How will your attendants line up and which man will escort which woman?

5. If you haven’t already created a master outline for your wedding ceremony, you should! Here are a few websites that offer tips and suggestions.

- Forever Wed

- Two Oaks Wedding

Condense that detailed outline as much as possible for your attendants so you can distribute copies to them, along with a list of everyone’s phone number and contact information.

6. Once everyone arrives at the rehearsal location, call them together and distribute the outlines and lists. If there is anything specific you need someone to do, you should tell them at this point. (For example, I asked two of my ushers to distribute programs and the other two to present all of the women guests with a flower as they arrived. I also asked some of my bridesmaids to be responsible for paying musicians, etc. after the wedding and gave them the envelope and check during the rehearsal.

7. Your officiant will likely take the lead and instruct everyone where to stand and will walk everyone through the ceremony. Since you’ve already discussed this with him, you should be set. If you have any questions-ask him at this time!

8. Before you release your group, let them ask you any questions they might have, then head off to your rehearsal dinner!

You will sleep well knowing everyone is prepared for your Big Day and your ceremony will run much more smoothly the second time around.

What other things did you or do you plan to do during your wedding rehearsal?

Photo courtesy of What is in Us

How to Host the Perfect Wedding Rehearsal Dinner

Since we have discussed the issue of holding a ceremony rehearsal and decided you do, in fact, need one - let’s move on to the fun stuff.

Historically the groom’s parents footed the bill for this post-wedding rehearsal meal, but since modern-day brides are tossing tradition to the wind-this is changing, too. As if the bride doesn’t have enough stress before the Big Day, she also has to weigh in on the Rehearsal Dinner... and if you are anything like me-you want that to be perfect.

Here are four tips to help you host the perfect rehearsal dinner.


Tip 1: Have Fun With It!
I’ve read that your rehearsal dinner and wedding reception should have a similar style and formality level - for example, if your wedding is ultra chic and formal, then your rehearsal dinner should set the stage by being more or less the same style. On some level I get that. On every other level-I think it is crap.

Think about it. If your rehearsal dinner is a miniature version of your wedding reception, how bored will your guests be on Day 2? And THAT is the Big Day. That is the important event. That is when you want everyone to step back and say “Wow!”

Instead, I say you should have fun with your rehearsal dinner.

My wedding was semi-formal and incorporated many aspects of my husband’s Italian heritage. We had guests coming to Texas from across the country-and Italy!-and wanted to share our culture with them. So, we hosted a Texas-style BBQ, complete with a line dance instructor and galvanized buckets of beer. It was a blast, the wedding party bonded and we really set the mood for the following day.

Tip #2: Plan with Care
Put the same attention to detail in your wedding rehearsal dinner that you put into your wedding. Be sure to create invitations and tell your guests how to dress. You will also want to plan time to formally speak to your guests, offer gifts to your wedding party and/or publicly thank your parents for their help. Shy away from serving too much alcohol. You want everyone looking fresh for your wedding.

Tip 2: Be Courteous
As I am sure you have been doing throughout your wedding planning process, remember to be courteous and think of your guests when planning your rehearsal dinner. In addition to your wedding party, officiant and immediate family members, consider inviting all out of town guests and other close family members who aren’t in the wedding. For example, my aunts were an enormous help to me throughout my planning and I thought it would be nice to include them in pre-wedding events.

Tip 3: Location Matters
Choose a restaurant that is close to your rehearsal location. You don’t want you-or your guests-to be forced to drive an hour for dinner, then drive another hour-or more-to get home. It isn’t gracious and your friends could resent it. You certainly don’t want those negative mood vibes carrying over to your wedding day.

Tip 4: Give it a Test Run
Okay. I know rehearsing your rehearsal just sounds silly but eat at the rehearsal dinner restaurant before the event and make sure you are on the same page with them. The worst mistake brides make when it comes to planning their rehearsal dinner is not taking it seriously enough. Be professional with your rehearsal dinner vendors and make sure they know your expectations.

The rehearsal dinner can be one of the most lighthearted aspects of your wedding weekend. Everyone should be in good spirits and you can relax with your closest friends before the stress of the wedding day hits. The rehearsal dinner truly sets the scene for the rest of your wedding, so take time to plan it with care, pay attention to details and give it the respect it deserves.

You’ll be glad you did.

What have you planned for your rehearsal dinner?

Photo courtesy of herzogbr

Think You Don’t Need to Rehearse? Think Again. Three Reasons Why You Need a Wedding Rehearsal

Even before my wedding planning days, I was the go-to person in my group for planning events and helping with their weddings. I am somewhat organized-and that helps. I am also meticulous with details and well … a perfectionist.

I always assume a couple will hold a rehearsal before the Big Day, that is why I am shocked by the number of couples I have to convince. So just in case you are considering forgoing this wedding day run-through … here are the top three reasons why you need to hold a wedding rehearsal.


You Care About Your Wedding
Okay. I might be stating the obvious here-but you do. You really do care about how your wedding turns out. Why else would you spend your savings on a wedding dress and stay up all night combing the Internet for wedding-related news? You want the perfect wedding, don’t you?
Then, trust me. You need to rehearse it. Please do not spend thousands of dollars preparing for your wedding and not have at least a small run-through to plan for mishaps or misunderstandings. If there are going to be any issues, you want to know before the wedding … not during it.

People Don’t Know What to Do
I know this sounds mean, but it is true. People really don’t know what to do. Are you going to have your bridesmaids walk down the aisle with the groomsmen? Are the groomsmen going to walk out with the groom and the officiant? What about the kids? How do they stand? Where do they look? How do they exit?

And that is just the wedding party. What about you and your groom? Most people don’t have a lot of experience “getting” married. Yes, maybe one or both of you have been married before, but each wedding is different and the dynamics of each group change.

I organized a beach wedding once where the couple insisted they did not want a rehearsal. I begged and pleaded and told them these tips … still, they refused. The evening before the wedding, the bride casually asked me, “So … what do we do tomorrow?”

Agh!

We ran down to the wedding location and conducted an impromptu rehearsal. After 45 minutes we all felt better about it. The groom later thanked me for my last-ditch effort and admitted they should have planned a rehearsal from the start.

Get Everyone on the Same Page
Once your wedding day arrives, you will be in no condition to ask people for help, look up telephone numbers or worry about who is paying who and when. The rehearsal is the perfect time to dish out assignments and share phone numbers with your wedding party and close family members.

I made a what was likely an overly-detailed list for each member of my wedding party and distributed it during the rehearsal. I listed telephone numbers for all of the vendors, my parents and aunts and all of the members of the wedding party. The idea was that if something came up and the flowers didn’t arrive, for example-any one of my friends could easily find the florist’s number and contact her.

I also distributed envelopes to my more responsible friends and asked them to pay the musicians, the officiant, etc. and asked them to help direct traffic, distribute programs and even to start the dancing at the reception.

Not sure how to organize your wedding rehearsal? Don’t worry … we will get to that in the coming weeks.

Are you planning to have a wedding rehearsal? What were your motivations? If not ... WHY?

Photo courtesy of Paul Chenoweth

Seating The Guests

While it may seem logical to you, many people - especially the ushers - don't have a clue as to how to seat the guests at your wedding. While many guests show themselves to their seats, especially when the usher is nowhere to be seen, there is a custom to escort special guests to their seats before the wedding ceremony begins.

Even though you may be calling these particular groomsmen "ushers," they may not know how to escort the guests to their seats. I knew one usher who blithely took the groom's great-grandmother up the back stairs of the church to the choir loft because he thought it provided the best view in the house. Then he neglected to tell anyone he had done this. For ten minutes, the bride's father, the groom's father and all the bridesmaids were frantically seeking Nana and there she was, all alone in the choir loft trying to figure out how to get downstairs with her walker.

At the wedding rehearsal, take a few moments to explain to the ushers the protocols of seating the wedding guests. You haven't invited all these people to witness your wedding only to have them miffed before the ceremony even starts!

My suggestion is that you have photo prints of each important guest made and placed in a coordinated seating plan. Go over it with the ushers ahead of time. It doesn't cost a lot to have prints made and for you to sketch the rows where these guests are to sit, but it can save huge fusses later.

Place this chart at the back of the ceremony site near the guest book as a reference so that there is no confusion. It's not that you don't trust the ushers to recall your instructions, but they may not know who everyone is and this will help them make things go smoothly.

There are several permutations of seating that occur for different religious wedding ceremonies.
Most prominently, in Christian weddings, the bride's family sits on the left side of the church while the groom's family is on the right. Reform and Conservative Jewish weddings are just the opposite. Orthodox Jewish weddings segregate the men and women from sitting together at all.

The first row of the ceremony site is reserved for parents, the second for siblings, the third for grandparents and other close relatives. After that, ushers may seat guests as they arrive from front to back. Closest relatives should be seated last and separated from the rest of the guests due to their relationship. Guests who arrive late at the wedding ceremony should quietly sit at the back and don't need to be escorted by ushers.

Plan ahead now and save against seating headaches later!