So you just got engaged, you have told everyone you know, and you want to start planning. But wait...who is going to pay for everything?
This is a very big question that a lot of wedding couples run into right after getting engaged, as they're beginning to plan the big day. Traditionally, it has been expected that the bride's family is supposed to take care of the majority of wedding costs. Some still follow this tradition and some have altered what is expected. Below is a very traditional list of wedding costs and the party who is responsible for payment.
Now as the generations evolve, (I feel) so should the monetary responsibilities of a wedding. Personally, my family did not pay for the majority of our wedding costs. My parents gave us a third of the money, my (soon-to-be) in-laws paid for the rehearsal dinner and we paid for two-thirds of the wedding costs. It may just be me and my way of thinking, but I don't think that the bride's parents should be held almost solely responsible for the wedding costs. There were two reasons why I didn't want my parents to pay for the entire wedding.
Wedding Costs
When this tradition of wedding "buying" began, I am sure no one took into account the rising costs of weddings. In the U.S. today, the average wedding cost is between 28K and 30K. These numbers are up about 60% over a 10-year period. To me, it was just crazy for me to expect my parents to give me all that money. My parents are way too financially responsible to put it on credit cards, and unfortunately, I did not have some secret Jessica Wedding Fund out there. Plus, who am I to take that money from my parents when they worked hard for it and they should be able to enjoy it with splurges on themselves like vacations and what not? They gave me what they wanted, and I was truly grateful for what they did. And me, I don't' even want to think where they will be when my currently non-existent children are getting married. I think that to assume or place responsibility of funding weddings of this size solely on the bride's family is unfair.
Your Wedding
For me, it was our wedding. We were the ones who chose the style, the venues, the accompaniments and the splurges - it seemed only fair to me and my soon-to-be hubby that we pay for the majority of costs. In doing this, both sets of parents are still able to help out with wedding costs. They can (or are able to) give gifts to the couple that can be used towards the wedding or even a down-payment on a home. Either way, the parents feel they are giving you a gift, and they're not obligated to tap into their life's savings or take out a home equity line to pay for the cost of the entire wedding.
Now I will probably save up for my children's weddings, but they will know from an early age that what we give them is a gift, and that they should decide what type of wedding. I will let them know that we will help out in any way we can.
Your thoughts? Anyone agree or disagree? Have you seen something else done?
This is a very big question that a lot of wedding couples run into right after getting engaged, as they're beginning to plan the big day. Traditionally, it has been expected that the bride's family is supposed to take care of the majority of wedding costs. Some still follow this tradition and some have altered what is expected. Below is a very traditional list of wedding costs and the party who is responsible for payment.| Traditional Wedding Expense Breakdown | |
| Wedding Gown & Accessories | The Bride's Family |
| Wedding Ring for Bride | The Groom |
| Wedding Ring for Groom | The Bride |
| Wedding Gift for Groom | The Bride |
| Wedding Gift for Bride | The Groom |
| Bridesmaid Gifts | The Bride |
| Groomsmen/Usher Gifts | The Groom |
| Bride's Bouquet | The Groom |
| Bridesmaid Bouquets | The Bride's Family |
| Mothers' Corsages | The Groom |
| Grandmother Corsages | The Bride's Family |
| Groom's Boutonnière | The Groom |
| Groomsmen Boutonnières | The Groom |
| Usher's Boutonnières | The Groom |
| Wedding Ceremony/Reception Flowers | The Bride's Family |
| Altar Baskets/Arches | The Bride's Family |
| Canopy/Carpet | The Bride's Family |
| Kneeling Bench/Candleabras | The Bride's Family |
| Rented Items for Wedding | The Bride's Family |
| Rented Items for Reception | The Bride's Family |
| Wedding Invitations/Announcements | The Bride's Family |
| Wedding Programs | The Bride's Family |
| Napkins/Matches/Printed Items | The Bride's Family |
| Marriage License | The Groom |
| Medical Visit for Bride | The Bride |
| Medical Visit for Groom | The Groom |
| Church Fee | The Bride's Family |
| Clergyman/Officiant Fee | The Groom |
| Musician/Soloist | The Bride's Family |
| Church Janitor | The Bride's Family |
| Reception Hall Fee | The Bride's Family |
| Catered Reception/Professional Services | The Bride's Family |
| Wedding Photography | The Bride's Family |
| Video Photography | The Bride's Family |
| Orchestra/Band/DJ | The Bride's Family |
| Wedding Cake | The Bride's Family |
| Wedding Favors | The Bride's Family |
| Groom's Cake | The Groom's Family |
| Rice Bags | The Bride's Family |
| Rehearsal Dinner | The Groom's Family |
| Bridesmaid Luncheon | The Bride |
| Bachelor Party | Best Man/Groom's Attendants |
| Bachelorette Party Wedding Breakfast | Maid of Honor The Bride's Family |
| Bridal Brunch | The Bride's Family |
| Bridesmaids' Gowns | Bridesmaids |
| Maid of Honor Gown | Maid of Honor |
| Matron of Honor Gown | Matron of Honor |
| Best Man Formal Wear | Best Man |
| Ushers' Formal Wear | Ushers |
| Groomsmen Formal Wear | Groomsmen |
| Gloves/Ties/Ascots for Attendants | The Groom |
| Father of Bride Formal Wear | Bride's Family |
| Father of Groom Formal Wear | Groom's Family |
| Children's Formal Wear | The Children's Parents |
| Limousine Service | The Groom |
| Honeymoon Arrangements | The Groom |
| Travel Expenses to the Wedding | The Out-of-town Attendant or Family Member |
| Accommodations for out-of town Guests | The Bride |
Now as the generations evolve, (I feel) so should the monetary responsibilities of a wedding. Personally, my family did not pay for the majority of our wedding costs. My parents gave us a third of the money, my (soon-to-be) in-laws paid for the rehearsal dinner and we paid for two-thirds of the wedding costs. It may just be me and my way of thinking, but I don't think that the bride's parents should be held almost solely responsible for the wedding costs. There were two reasons why I didn't want my parents to pay for the entire wedding.
Wedding Costs
When this tradition of wedding "buying" began, I am sure no one took into account the rising costs of weddings. In the U.S. today, the average wedding cost is between 28K and 30K. These numbers are up about 60% over a 10-year period. To me, it was just crazy for me to expect my parents to give me all that money. My parents are way too financially responsible to put it on credit cards, and unfortunately, I did not have some secret Jessica Wedding Fund out there. Plus, who am I to take that money from my parents when they worked hard for it and they should be able to enjoy it with splurges on themselves like vacations and what not? They gave me what they wanted, and I was truly grateful for what they did. And me, I don't' even want to think where they will be when my currently non-existent children are getting married. I think that to assume or place responsibility of funding weddings of this size solely on the bride's family is unfair.
Your Wedding
For me, it was our wedding. We were the ones who chose the style, the venues, the accompaniments and the splurges - it seemed only fair to me and my soon-to-be hubby that we pay for the majority of costs. In doing this, both sets of parents are still able to help out with wedding costs. They can (or are able to) give gifts to the couple that can be used towards the wedding or even a down-payment on a home. Either way, the parents feel they are giving you a gift, and they're not obligated to tap into their life's savings or take out a home equity line to pay for the cost of the entire wedding.
Now I will probably save up for my children's weddings, but they will know from an early age that what we give them is a gift, and that they should decide what type of wedding. I will let them know that we will help out in any way we can.
Your thoughts? Anyone agree or disagree? Have you seen something else done?
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