I Said Yes! Now What? The First Three Steps in Planning Your Wedding

He popped the question and you said "YES!" It was magical. It was romantic. It was timeless.

Now you have to pull your happily engaged self back to planet Earth and start planning the biggest party of your life.

But what are you going to do? Where do you look first? Where do you start?

I'm going to assume you've already belted your newly-engaged status from the top of your roof, told your parents, his parents and all of your friends.

I'm also hoping you haven't already promised all your friends, your fiance's siblings and your co-worker's cousins a place in the wedding party. You haven't have you ... because we'll discuss selecting your wedding party next week ...

For now, here are the first three steps in planning your wedding ... once your feet have returned to the ground and your head is more or less out of those clouds.

#1 - Get Organized


Even if organization is not your thing, no especially if organization is not your thing, you need to make "getting organized" your top priority. You will want a place to collect pictures, magazine ads and notes and there is no better way to do that than in your personal wedding binder.

Sure you could purchase a pre-made wedding binder at your local bookstore. They have inspirational photos, checklists and wedding planning tips that might come in helpful through your planning stages.

However, I recommend making your own binder. Purchase a three-ring binder, dividers, plastic protector sheets and erasable tabs. The sections of your binder will change as you get closer to the Big Day, so having erasable tabs and sections you can easily move around will be essential to staying organized.

On another note, organized brides make a better impression on wedding vendors and they will be more likely to take you seriously and possibly offer you a better price, than your unorganized counterparts.

#2 - Have a tête-à-tête with your fiance


Before you can make any major wedding-related decisions, you have to ensure you and your fiance are on the same page. You might not be able to discuss a wedding date at this point (you will need to confirm with vendors and venues first) but you should discuss a general wedding season, or better yet, a wedding month.

Ask your fiance what he thinks of when he sees your wedding day. Discuss the "feel" of your wedding, estimate the number of guests you want to invite and set a budget.

It is also a good idea to ask him upfront how involved he wants to be in the decision-making process. Some grooms defer most details to the bride and only want to help with major decisions - such as date, location and guest count. I've seen other grooms who want to help choose linens and fonts.

See where your guy stands so there are no hurt feelings down the line.

#3 - Brainstorm


If you aren't on a strict time limit with your wedding planning - less than six months, for example - then allow yourself time to dream. Peruse magazines, websites and bookstores and save anything that might be remotely interesting to you - and put it in your new binder.

Dream big at this point. If you fall in love with a $2,000 wedding cake you can't afford, save the picture anyway. You can likely find a local baker who can recreate the cake at a fraction of the cost. Don't think in terms of what you can't do - think of what you can!

What are some of the first things you did when you got engaged? What would you do differently if you could go back? What advice do you have for other newly engaged gals?

Photos courtesy of disneymike, bigcharvey, rmathus, romanlily

Organizing a Wedding

Planning a wedding can be fun and exciting, but if you are not careful and organized, it can also be stressful. There are so many details that you have to consider. It really can take almost a year to get everything the way you want it, and to ensure all will be how you want it to be on the happiest day of your life.

Whether you are having an at-home simple wedding, or a huge extravagant wedding, you will need to carefully organize and plan each step of the way. If you plan to hire a wedding planner to assist you, make certain you and the planner have identical wedding planners (books), including a wedding checklist that defines everything you need to do or even consider doing, and the best period in which to accomplish each activity.

If you hire a wedding planner with a lot of experience, depend on their contacts with vendors - florists, caterers, hotels, banquet/party rooms and so on - to get you the best deals for your wedding budget. Check the wedding planner's references before hiring him or her. Also watch some television shows like Whose Wedding is it Anyway and Bridezilla, to define how you are going to interact with your wedding planner and also behave during the year long process of planning your wedding.

If you are going to go it alone for the most part - and hire a wedding planner at the end, or ask a friend to organize events on the actual wedding day - you need to be extra organized. Get your own wedding planning notebook and start with that all-important checklist. Here is a site that can get you started with the wedding checklist. Then determine your wedding budget.

Once you've decided that wedding budget, list all the expenses that are typically incurred during a wedding (here is a site that can help you), and decide what is most important to you. Assign a percentage of your wedding budget to these items and stick to it. For example, you want to use printable wedding invitations, but you want the paper to be handmade rather than card stock. Compare the costs between these items.

The same goes for all your vendors. Talk to several and compare prices - what they offer, if there are any packages available, what time of year is most reasonably priced. I guarantee that if you hire a vendor for a late January wedding in the Northeast, you will be getting quite a deal, since winter is the worst time for weddings (except of course Valentine's Day).

Good luck with all your wedding planning. Just remember if you keep it organized, you will get through all the details.

Weddings in a Short Time

There’s a lot more to getting married than just planning the wedding and wedding reception. This is supposed to be a time to celebrate your love and your wedding vows. Don’t let it drive you crazy!

If you have to, you can plan and execute a complete, elegant and fully organized wedding – ceremony and wedding reception, honeymoon and everything in-between - in 3 months.You heard me. Three months. I’ve seen it done. It’s a matter of organization and flexibility.

Three Months
Pick a date and day! If you are getting married in the height of June or September (the wedding months) don’t expect your ceremony location to be completely available on Saturday or Sunday. Have a Friday wedding instead. It will save you money and you are more likely to find your ceremony venue available.

Once you’ve got the day, and the ceremony location, find your wedding reception venue. Again, a Friday or other weekday gives you greater options.

Set Your Budget and Start Booking Your Vendors

You know how much the ceremony site and wedding reception locale will cost. Set your wedding budget accordingly. What you have left is for flowers, gown, tux, rehearsal, dinner, band/DJ and photographer.

Book your photographers (and videographers) as soon as your can. Also have a back-up plan (like a friend who is semi-pro and disposable cameras on each table). Many photographers have conflicts and the sooner you get them, the better.

Determine the Dresses and the Attendants

Wedding party: ask and secure bridesmaids and groomsmen for the wedding. Provide bridesmaids with their bridesmaid dresses and styles to order and arrange for tuxedoes for male attendants.

Buy or order your wedding gown. DON’T wait. You may need alterations and other accessories and you don’t want this to be last minute.

Two Months
Start making honeymoon plans. Select wedding invitations.

Complete guest list – set the number of guests you want and try to stick to it. You will have to tell both sets of parents and expect them to follow your wishes. Select your caterer and especially the wedding reception menu.

Book your music – hire a band or a DJ.

Select your florist and coordinate your wedding colors to the flowers.

Select other wedding decorations, wedding favors and the wedding cake. Order these as soon as you can.

Six weeks
Address invitations and mail them! You want your guests to have time to respond, make travel arrangements, if necessary and be ready to celebrate your wedding.

One month Register for gifts.Buy wedding rings.Make sure if you need any sort of equipment such as chocolate fountains, cameras, etc for the ceremony or wedding reception, that they are available and rent them for the date.

Three weeks
Get marriage licenses.

Plan rehearsal dinner, reserve location and send invitations.

One week
Call ALL vendors; confirm the wedding reception date, time and location.

Arrange for any name changes (you can do this after).

Pack for your honeymoon.

Wedding day

Relax – get dressed, have hair done and enjoy. There’s nothing left to do.

See? If you are flexible and can stand the stress, you can get it done in 3 months or less!

More Wedding Stresses Solved!

The other day we discussed those nasty stressors that take so much energy from you during your wedding planning. Here are some more stress points and how to deal them!

• People who expect to be paid and want as much from you as possible.

Dealing with wedding vendors can be a big pain. These are folks who want to make money. It's their job to try and pressure you into purchasing a more expensive option than your wedding budget allows. If you are tempted to accede to their demands, go home and sleep on it.

If it's not in your budget, you have to make sure that they understand it's nothing personal, you just don't have the money. Getting away from them to make the decision and not having to stare into their puppy dog eyes while saying "no" is much easier – and less stressful!

Just tell them: "that's not really in my wedding budget, I'll have to go home and see if I can move some things around and get back to you."

• "And in this corner…"
  

We all have them, those lovely folks – either our parents, relatives or even friends – who are divorced, divorcing, breaking up or just fighting – and they don't want to sit together. My grandmother didn't talk to her husband's cousin for years and at all weddings and such, they had to be separated for the comfort of the other guests.

So you have to take preemptive action. Sit down with them to say: "I'm so glad you're coming to my wedding. I hope you can do me a big favor. You fight so much, and I really want the focus of our wedding to be on love. Do you mind doing everything in your power to be civil just for that one day?" Remember, if they do bicker at your wedding, you'll probably be so caught up in everything else, you won't even notice.

• And what are the the greatest stressors of all? You BOTH are!
  

Weddings are stressful, and the person you will be around the most is soon to be your other half. Too often you hear: "He's not doing anything to help with the wedding" and, "she never talks about anything other than the wedding." Avoid this with some simple planning.

Sit down with a wedding planner (the book, not the person) and divide up the list of tasks into bride's responsibilities, groom's responsibilities, and what you are going to do together. Each of you will know that you have creative control for what's on your list, and what you are responsible for. (That doesn't mean you won't discuss the task, but you will have the responsibility of getting it done.) Post the list in prominent locations in your house(s) and agree to have check-in meetings once a month or so about where you are.

Next, sit down with a calendar. Figure out when you have time to schedule a couple of hours each week to deal with wedding stuff together. A lot of it will be fun - checking out potential venues, eating cake at tastings, and practicing dance moves.

Then schedule a NO WEDDING night. This is perhaps the most important thing to stop you from stressing each other out. One night a week, neither of you are allowed to mention the word wedding or anything wedding-related. This can be a date night, or just a relaxing at home together night to remind you why you're going through all this craziness in the first place!

Soon we will talk about other ways to lessen the stress and increase the fun in planning your wedding!

Wedding Stress Management

Between money, time, and general expectations, weddings make most couples want to pull out their hair at one point or another. If you can break down where that stress is coming from, it will be easier to deal with. It's a given, from the choice of invitations to the seating chart, you are going to be stressed out. But here are some tips to help manage it.

* Everyone has an opinion – and wants you to act on it!

From day one, everyone – from your grandma Sue to your hairdresser Bruce, will want to know all the details of your wedding and will, without any hesitation, offer you their suggestions and opinions. If you don't follow each and every one to the letter, they will be mortally insulted.

Not.

Just remember - and repeat it to yourself whenever it just gets too much – "This is our wedding. This is our wedding. This is our wedding." It doesn't mean you can't listen to what they are telling you, just take it all with a grain of salt. And go your own way!

* Parents – Gotta love 'em -- or do you?

Parents have been honing their abilities to stress you out for your entire lives! It's one of the perks of parenthood, but to keep them from getting to you during the wedding planning process, head them off at the pass. Ask early if they are giving you money for the wedding and how much. This eliminates any confusion later when you hand them a bill and they go ballistic because you spent $5,000 on wedding favors.

Make the planning process fun. It is a wedding after all and supposed to be happy. Invite your parents (both sets if you like) to attend a formal dinner and planning session. Talk to them generally about style, location and when you are planning the wedding. From the outset – and do this with both sets of parents – determine how many people they will be inviting for your wedding.

I knew one bride whose mother invited over 200 people to her daughter's wedding. The couple didn't have any room for friends. They got to spend their entire wedding reception with septuagenarians who really didn't enjoy the rock band that the couple hired to entertain their friends.

Don't promise your mother something without running it by your fiancé first! One good way to get your parents involved and to get you out from under is to ask them if they would be willing to do some specific tasks. They can do price comparisons, organize hotel discounts, even help with color schemes and favors if you are willing to give up control.

The key to managing stress with the parents is to make them feel that they are part of the process and not a wall between you and your wedding vision!

Tomorrow – more stressors! Can you handle it?

Wedding Reception Sites

We've talked about keeping your wedding simple and stunning. But those elements can translate to all sorts of venues.

Make a list of the different sorts of venues you have in your area that would be perfect for your reception. Consider estates or historic mansions if they are available, or observatories, museums, botanical gardens, country inns or theaters. Don't forget marinas, ball fields, or other spots connected to hobbies. We have an old ore steamer around for lease as well - with an outstanding caterer offering wonderful wedding feasts! Your venues are limited only by your imagination.

Visit each site you are considering and take a photo. Have photo prints made and then compare each locale. (Make sure these prints are at least 8 x 10 each so you can really see what you are getting)

List the pros and cons for each venue. For instance, if you or your caterer has to schlep all your wedding decorations, wedding favors, tables, chairs, tents, etc., into a remote but beautiful venue, determine what it will add to your wedding budget and if it is worth it!

My cousin had his wedding in a renovated 1930's movie palace lobby with a gorgeous staircase leading down from the mezzanine. It was the first time this site had ever been used for a wedding - now it's a regular occurrence. The caterers had to set tables all around the mezzanine for dinner, however they used the lobby floor as the dance floor.

For the bar, every time someone needed a drink, you had to traipse up and down the grand staircase. If he were to hold it there now, he would have rearranged the site so that there were two bars, or just held everything on one level.

All this doesn't mean that you can't hold your reception in a usual location - function halls, hotels, or country clubs. These are still the most popular venues for wedding receptions. Just remember that during the peak wedding months of April through October, competition for these wedding sites can be really fierce and you may not get your first choice for your wedding day.

If you are holding your wedding during this time period, plan on looking for your reception sites at least a year in advance. Put a reminder on your calendar as soon as you are engaged to determine the date and location!

When you hold a wedding reception at an unusual venue, odds are that you will pay a bit more to secure these non-traditional sites, but their availability may be more in keeping with your calendar.

Just remember that if your venue is outdoors, having a contingency plan - usually a large tent - is necessary to ensure a place to go if there are weather issues. I remember attending a wedding held at a lovely park, the day after a massive thunderstorm. Everyone was sinking in the mud - a situation that would have been alleviated had there been a tent with a dance floor.

Odds are that a non-traditional venue will make your wedding as unique. Just be sure to weigh the cost against all that you will or will not get for your money. In unusual settings, the venue won't be a backdrop to your wedding, but an integral part of your reception. Make sure it makes a statement about who you are as a couple and what you are expecting from your life together!

KISS Weddings - Simple as 1-2 3 and Anti-trendy

Here are more KISS - keep it simple and stunning - secrets for a successful and elegant affair!

Simplicity is the key. There are even magazines, like Real Simple, devoted to the concept. Why not keep your wedding with the times and strive for simple -- but wow your guests and show them just how stunning simple can be!

Simple as 1-2-3

As much as you can, limit your color scheme to three colors. For example, using three shades of blues and purples against a white background will create a more harmonious aesthetic than a room filled with a riot of yellows and greens and reds. It also means coordinating your colors, your wedding linens, your wedding invitations, bridesmaids' dresses and wedding flowers in the same three colors.

Your centerpieces can be equally simple - for example, a single narrow vase, a wedding sticker or accessory tag beneath it, holding three unusual flowers will create a dramatic effect, especially when repeated on all the tables.

Additionally, the 1-2-3 concept goes for food. Have a choice of 3 appetizers, 2 entrees (with sides, of course) and 1 dessert besides the wedding cake. You will be surprised how dramatic and stunning your wedding will be if you apply the idea of a simple 1-2-3.

Simple stunning weddings are never trendy.

Simple design, by its very designation, is both classic and contemporary. It can have any kind of wedding theme, or represent any kind of ethnic wedding, but it always emphasizes well chosen details and not the latest fads! A table laid with crisp white linens and a simple centerpiece, white china, clear crystal and shining flatware will always look elegant, no matter what the theme or color scheme.

Centerpieces don’t have to be overflowing. Place floating flowers and candles in simple clear bowls. This is both romantic and easy on the budget. You only need a few for each table and they don’t create the fuss of huge arrangements that can often block the view of the diners from each other. Make sure that these flowers are in your 1-2-3 color scheme.

For a chic contemporary wedding design, choose orchids, daisies, dahlias or sunflowers, while a classical surrounding calls for gardenias, peonies or roses. Coordinate the candle color to the flowers and float them away.

Use simple placecards for each place setting and have a small elegant wedding favor attached to them. A simple wedding favor can be a small bag with Jordan almonds attached to a wedding sticker or a gift tag with the couple’s names and wedding date printed on them. No fuss, and everyone has a nice treat to take home.

Simple doesn’t mean you skimp -- it means you determine what your design for your wedding will be and stick to it, following a few simple rules. Next time we will talk about unifying themes, design priorities and a well-conceived plan.

Planning A Wedding Rehearsal Dinner

The wedding rehearsal dinner is a very important element in the wedding planning process. There are two types of rehearsal dinners - the formal and the informal.

Planning the wedding rehearsal dinner can be stressful on top of all the other wedding planning - especially as the dinner is traditionally held the night before the wedding itself.

Originally the wedding rehearsal dinner was a sit-down affair hosted by the groom's parents. However in these changing times "anything goes", so there are more informal wedding rehearsal dinners hosted by friends, bride's relatives, or even the couple themselves. (My friend Bill and his bride Lynn took all of us on a dinner cruise.)

For all wedding rehearsal dinners, however, there are several guidelines that should be followed.
1) The wedding rehearsal dinner guests include the wedding party, the bride and groom's parents and close relatives. Asking out-of-town wedding guests to the rehearsal dinner will give the bride and groom an extra opportunity to welcome and spend time with them. The wedding rehearsal dinner is a great time for all the guests to get to know each other before the wedding reception.

2) Mail invitations (e-invitations, too) ahead of time so that everyone knows about this event. Even though you are going to be really busy with the wedding, you don't want to leave anyone important out of the rehearsal dinner or there could be hurt feelings that reverberate down through the years. (My grandmother didn't speak to her brother-in-law for 20 years because he forgot to invite my uncle to a rehearsal dinner where he was going to be an usher and reader. She took these things very seriously.)

3) Be sure to serve sparkling drinks (champagne and nonalcoholic versions) for some toasts. Unlike the toasts at the wedding where the time is limited, this is a perfect occasion for the best man and maid-of-honor to toast the couple in anticipation of their other toasts the next day.

It is also where the bride and groom can toast their parents to thank them and each other’s parents in appreciation of the joining of their families. Others may join in - and it could be a rollicking good time as stories of the bride and groom are shared.

4) Since the wedding is the next day, (and hopefully the bachelor and bachelorette parties are dim memories) control the consumption of alcohol, whether the party is formal or informal. Start with the champagne toast and surreptitiously switch to nonalcoholic drinks during the evening. Have each guest's wineglass marked with a wineglass tag after the first drink, so that you know that alcohol was served. This way you can switch to the nonalcoholic sparkling wine. Above all you need to make it your goal to get them "to the church on time" – and relatively sober.

Another time, we will go into more detail regarding how to host an all-out formal elegant sit-down wedding rehearsal dinner or an informal bash that is unique and fun!

Planning the Destination Wedding of Your Dreams

Planning a destination wedding is often much simpler than a traditional one however, there are some key steps you have to follow to make sure this wedding meets all your expectations.

1) Search the Internet, libraries, and travel agencies to determine where you want to have your wedding. You have the whole world from which to choose, but remember exotic distant locales can be cost-prohibitive and prove difficult for people to attend. You may be able to have your wedding somewhere closer to home and yet still maintain that exotic aura you are seeking!

Some popular places that cater to destination weddings are:
· Hawaii
· Mexican resorts
· Las Vegas
· Europe
· Bali
· The Caribbean
· California

2) Make certain you know and understand what legalities are involved if you marry outside the United States (even if you are both U.S. citizens – and don’t even get me started if one of you is from another country!)

When my cousins decided on a destination wedding in Punta Cana, Mexico, they got past all the issues of the marriage license, health exams, and blood tests in a foreign country by getting their license at home and being married in a quick civil ceremony by a judge so that their marriage was legal in the U.S.

3) Hire a wedding planner/consultant who specializes in destination weddings. Many websites, such as The Wedding Experience, as well as local travel or wedding planners can assist you in making all the right choices. The advantage to having this person is that the bride and groom don’t have to handle all the little details and a wedding consultant specializing in destination weddings has all the right contacts at the different locations. He or she even has access to a number of packages that will supply:

a. Hotel rooms at a group rate
b. Airfare specials
c. Ceremony sites
d. Cake and reception packages, champagne toasts, etc.
e. Excursion activities

4) Email all your prospective guests a Save the Date announcement with all details including the date, destination, and package amenities at least 4-6 months in advance of the wedding. They need to make travel plans if they can come (or enough time to notify you well before the event that they are not able to make it).

A nice gesture is to email all the guests before you finalize the date and offer them a couple of different days. Survey them: ask which day is better for them if you want to ensure they can come for the destination wedding week or weekend. One you have handled these matters, then you and your destination wedding team can set up a website for your guests to check on the plans.

You can also discuss all the amenities you are seeking and can afford, and you can let your planner follow your instructions to make this the most amazing day of your life.